MAY 28, 2007 AT WITS END
Pirates of The Caribbean: At World’s End opens to no surprise at number one and like so many other third films or second sequels this isn’t so much a third film as the second part of a second film (yes, Matrix, I’m looking at you). And like those other films it suffers from the time lapse (still you, Matrix). Not to mention creator indulgence (oh, so you, Matrix). Say what you will about the failures of the second, it did have a definitive sense of fun. Not going to find that here as much. Two men dueling on a rolling wheel with another man inside? Nope. And it goes to show you what was lost when, throughout all the betrayals that make this plot so difficult to follow, no one, not one single person explains his or her actions with the simple word, “Pirate.” No, not even Johnny Depp. I didn’t care much for the second and even if I did, it was a year ago, so is it so much to ask that we get a quick refresher? Some expository dialogue to bring us up to speed? Well forget it. And forget having it explained that when The Commodore gave the heart of Davy Jones to the head of the East India Company, he then used it to blackmail Davy Jones into working for him to destroy all pirates. And if you’ve forgotten like I have just why Jack Sparrow owed Davy Jones anything to begin with, forget having a reminder of that too. I’m going to help you out with this much: The East India Company is out to destroy all pirates. To expedite this they’re slaughtering them to point where an ancient song is sung which now requires the 9 Pirate Lords to convene. Captain Barbosa---who died in the first film---is one and Jack Sparrow is another and because they need all 9 and he didn’t name a successor, the first half hour of this film is spent bringing him back from the dead. Obviously they do so or we’d have no film. The next two hours and fifteen minutes is watching Jack, Will, Elizabeth and Barbosa plot and counterplot to survive what seems the obvious destruction of all pirates and make it work for them. Got all that? All the players return from this, down to the two guards Jack fooled in the first (best) film to steal a ship, but this time we’re joined by an underutilized Chow Yun-Fat. I’m sorry, but you don’t bring the great Chow Yun-Fat in to play a pirate lord and not make him a major player. But I will give them credit for actually going for the tragic romantic, slightly downbeat ending. Yes, kids, if you liked that everyone lived to see the end of the first two films, you’re going to have to let that go, ‘cause a couple of people ain’t coming back for POC 4. Though the ending of this one, does pretty much demand a fourth film for that specific purpose.
DON’T SLEEP WHERE YOU SHIT
Shrek The Third is down to number two and how much does Cameron Diaz regret bringing her then-boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, onboard for this? Now she’s got to see him at every major premiere and hope he’s not with someone younger and hotter than she is (Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel). Think she’s calling up Jennifer Anniston and asking her how she deals with it? “Everyone thinks my ex traded up and even when I dated black guys, they ignored me! Black guys! Now I’m stuck with some loser magician that I was lucky to even take from Minnie Driver! What? Yeah, it could be worse. We could be that sad bitch. Thanks, Jen!”
PROBABLY BECAUSE SPIDER-MAN 3 ISN’T ABOUT FREAKING MARY JANE
Spider-man 3 is down to number three but already up to $800M worldwide. With a $258M budget (not counting prints and advertising, which should make it more like $358M) it’s securely in the “win” column in just a month. Contrast this to Superman Returns, which cost $270M and made $391M worldwide. Yeah. So the next time someone from Warner Brothers insists that Superman made money for them, feel free to snicker, if not laugh in their faces outright.
YOU MUST BE BUGGIN’…TO KEEP PICKING THESE ROLES
Bug opens at number four and Ashley Judd keeps on the downward career spiral she’s been for the better part of a decade now. I can see why she committed herself for depression last year. I would too if I fucked up a promising career like she did. But don’t feel too badly for her. She was paid $4M for Somebody Like You, where she obviously passed on her curse to Hugh Jackman, who cannot make a good movie outside of The X-Men. Maybe he really should just stick to the stage. Speaking of which, for those of you who were tricked into thinking this was a horror movie, know that it’s based on a play. Yeah, exactly. How scary can you get with something that was onstage? You can’t have decapitations and chest-buster aliens onstage! The fear has to be conveyed in the performances. Yawn. This is about a bunch of crazy people in a room who think they have bugs under their skin to the point where they begin mutilating themselves to remove them. Ew. But still not the movie the trailer indicates, nor the poster, which suggests the bugs are real.
FELICITY VS. JOEY
Waitress actually rises to number five and I’m actually very happy for it. But I still won’t see it on my own volition. And if Adrianne Shelly did nothing else, she may have saved the career of Felicity herself, Keri Russell, who seemed to be the next Katie Holmes. You know, pretty girl from successful youth-based TV show makes a go of it on the big screen only to fail in both big Hollywood ventures (the disappointing Mission Impossible 3) and indie work (The Upside of Anger). This seems to be doing pretty well as far as indie goes and to actually rise in the top ten when three of the biggest summer franchises have been released is nothing less than impressive. But you know it’s the result of a bunch of freaking hipsters turning up their noses at Spider-man, Pirates and Shrek so they can talk in a bar in Williamsburg to their fellow film school graduates about how they’re only seeing independent films. Hey, trust fund dickweed, this is actually part of Rupert Murdoch’s media empire.
AND SHE’S GOTTA KISS THIS FUGLY LITTLE BASTARD
28 Weeks Later is down to number six, followed by Disturbia at number seven and the other thing I hate about Shia LeBeouf becoming a star is that we’re supposed to swallow that he can pull the incredibly hot women they’re going to cast opposite him, starting with the girl here, Sarah Roemer. She plays one of those only-in-movies girls who not only doesn’t mind being spied on by the creepy guy next door, but comes over to meet him and join in his adventures (and despite being hot, strangely has no boyfriend). You know this has got to kill all The CW and UPN pretty boys who are stuck on TV shows while this guy, who should be playing their horny buddy in comedies and the geeky tech guy in action films, is making Indiana Jones 4. If I’m one of those guys on Supernatural, I’m calling my agent daily.
GIVEN HER MOVIE FLOPS, I GUESS IT’S “DECLINE & FALL”
Georgia Rule is down to number eight and apparently the most entertaining thing out of Hollywood this year is going to be The Fall of Lindsay Lohan. Every time you think it can’t get worse, it does. First it’s that film of her doing coke and naming conquests (I believe Jude Law and Benicio del Toro because they’re sleazy, but I think she’s lying about Leonardo DiCaprio since he’s never touched anything less than an A-list model since Titanic) now it’s an accident with a “white powder” found in the car. And just in time for Memorial Day Weekend!
BUT MACCOY WOULD HAVE NAILED HIS ASS IN 45 MINUTES!
Fracture is down to number nine and this was a success, believe it or not. $20M budget for what’s essentially Hannibal Lecter meets Law & Order and it’s made $74M. I’m much more receptive to Ryan Gosling as part of the next generation of leading man so this actually pleases me somewhat. And between him and Keri Russell, that’s two former members of the Mickey Mouse Club in the top ten this week.
CRAWLING UP FROM THE PITS OF HELL ITSELF
Finally, Wild Hog closes out the top ten at number ten and---wait! Wild Hogs. Fucking Wild Hogs is back in the top ten!?! How!?! Why!?! Is this another of the signs of the apocalypse!?! Bad enough this piece of shit has racked up $162M, guaranteeing all those involved will continue to crap all over movie screens for the foreseeable future, but here it comes back like some nasty strain of a venereal disease that you think you got rid of.
WOOOO! PLAY LAND OF CONFUSION…NOT!
VH1 Rock Honors. Heart. ZZ Top. Ozzy. Genesis. Wait, Genesis? Who the fuck decided to include Genesis!?! Especially when it’s just the last remaining members and not the early 70’s progressive rock Genesis. Needless to say, when their music was played you could feel the energy level drop, because that is not the music of people in leather and jeans. The show was the same as last year: current band plays a song of the band being honored and the band being honored comes out and blows them off the stage. Though I have to admit, Gretchen Wilson did do a good job on Heart’s “Barricuda” hitting all the notes. Too bad they couldn’t swing Fergie to do it instead, because I’m sure half the people here had no idea who Gretchen Wilson was. But the best part were the ads for Brett Michaels in “Rock of Love.” Yes, they’re doing Flavor of Love but with a rock guy. Needless to say, 99% of the women were blonde, slutty and with fake boobs. I couldn’t watch Flavor of Love because Flavor Flav is just disgusting, but I can understand some rock slut wanting to get with the lead singer of Poison. Whee! Summer TV is here!
NEXT: A MUSLIM AND A JEW BUYING A LOVESEAT
It’s funny how progress can sneak up on you. I was totally caught off guard by the new Ikea ads that have the Asian guy/Black woman married couple. With a daughter no less! And she’s not some “light, bright and damn near white” sista either. No. She’s brown and round with a head of kinky hair. This is nothing short of shocking and I wonder if it’s a nationwide campaign or just limited to the coasts. Granted it may be jumping on the whole Afro/Asian bandwagon that Jackie Chan finally tapped into with Rush Hour (there have never been bigger martial arts fans than bruthas and The Last Dragon is the unacknowledged father of Rush Hour), but still to see a major corporation just putting it out there is impressive. Yeah, they’ve done interracial relationships before, but it’s usually some white guy with a much more attractive Latina/Asian girl. This is two minorities. And not only is it two minorities it’s two of the bitterest minorities, as Asian men and Black women have been the most vocal about loosing their women and men (respectively) to interracial dating. Still, I wish they could have gotten that West Village couple I saw. But they may have been too pretty.
THE LOST WEEKEND
Again I find myself drinking with Chasing Amy. I’m beginning to wonder if our time apart might not have been the best thing for me, as this boozing it up cannot be good. Last time we drank when I had my cold, which apparently healed me but laid both her and her boyfriend low. This time we started in the afternoon, as one of the benefits of a corporate structure is early release for a holiday weekend. We started off in the east village and proceeded to drink our ways west. First was at a restaurant called Yaffa on St. Marks & 1st, then to the same bar on Second Ave where I went with The Otter Queen and Dorito Cheeseburger woman (where we missed Rosie Perez by an hour), then to some Mexican hole-in-the-wall on Sullivan, to Agave on 7th Ave, to finally the Fat Cat pool hall on Christopher Street. It was basically 2:00 to 8:00 and the only reason it stopped was that her brother had bought tickets to Spider-Man 3. Now, the downside to this type of drinking isn’t merely the wear and tear on one’s wallet and liver, it’s the affect on your waistline, because it’s not merely the calories from the booze, it’s what you choose to eat while drunk. In my case, I walked up to Billy’s---passing those fucking tourists and trendoids in line at Magnolia---to Billy’s where I walked in and bought cupcakes. It got no better on Sunday night, when we continued the east-to-west drinking voyage, starting at the Coffee Shop on Union Square and going to Tortilla Flats in the meatpacking district. Tortilla was a show into itself, as when we arrived around 1:00 am, not only was the staff doing shots, but they were dancing as well. We’re talking drinking to the point where gay men are licking the breasts of soon-to-be-seriously-frustrated women. The gay guys think it’s funny as hell, but women don’t find it quite as funny at the end of the night when that smart, funny, light-on-his-feet guy with the nimble tongue is leaving with a guy just like him. Then there was the very drunk Englishman who called himself “A Lost Boy” who apparently was hitting on me after hitting on the Puerto Rican Girl, giving life to Woody Allen’s old joke of “being bisexual doubles your chance for a date.” This time my journey home required nachos and Entenmanns’s new French Toast doughnuts, things I might resisted if sober. And that’s the problem: temptation. Booze allows you to give into it. Either carnally or calorically. This is why thin drunks tend to be lady-killers while fat drunks are usually alone. Guess which one I am?
NEXT TIME WE’RE GOING TO TRY A LITTLE SNOOP DOGG
Between Friday and Saturday, I found the illusion of a respite (illusion because I made margaritas later) by seeing Nice Jewish Doctor again in town and this time with and her kids, so I finally got to see her little girl, Zoe, who didn’t quite trust me enough to let me hold her, but was very comfortable in feeding me her spaghetti. You know I have to care about you to actually venture into the Times Square area on a Saturday night, which I did because they were in some pizza place just around the corner form The Hard Rock Café. Her four-year-old son became my best friend when I showed him my iPod and it was the sole focus of attention for the rest of the night. Pictures and sound and he could hold it in his hand. Who could ask for anything more? And in the tradition of the most oppressed people on the planet people he had a taste for the music of the second most oppressed people. Jack White’s other band, The Raconteurs? Uh, no. Stevie Nicks? I don’t think so. But late 70’s funk from The Brothers Johnson? Some 80’s R&B from Luther Vandross? Classic reggae from Bob Marley? Load the kid up. He even showed his geek potential by liking both the Spider-man and Star Trek theme music. And Zoe pretty much let mom and dad know her future when she would dart for the door at every possible opportunity. She’s already got a taste for the big bad city. She’ll mostly likely be back for college in 2024, much to their chagrin. I think NYU should be about $2M a year at that point.
DEATH
I’ve been lax in this recently because who have died have been fairly old, so it’s not quite the loss it would otherwise be. I loved Tom Poston though. And I’m showing my age to reveal I remember Charles Nelson Reilly during his game show heyday.
PAINFULLY FUNNY
I rarely read anything in the Sunday Times beyond the Arts section, but I’m a big Judd Apatow fan (he produced or wrote or directed The Ben Stiller Show, The Larry Sanders Show, Freaks & Geeks, Undeclared, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Anchorman, Talladega Nights and the upcoming Knocked Up and Superbad) and there was an article on him in the magazine, which revealed in the tradition of funny guys throughout history, his humor comes from pain and neurosis. Anxiety once froze him up so badly he didn’t transfer flights in Chicago but checked into a hotel until a friend flew there to get him out. This is why the commercials for Knocked Up have you howling. Only someone truly fucked up can be that funny. What I didn’t know was that the role David Duchovny played in The TV Set was based on him, from the beard to the potbelly to back pain. He was also on The Tonight Show and Nightline last week and he’s fairly open on the fact that his movies have dweeby guys getting hot girls is based on his life. Remember the girl who played the female lead in The Cable Guy? Yeah, exactly (she was also Jon Stewart’s girlfriend in Big Daddy because Apatow was once Adam Sandler’s roommate). Well, he was a producer on that movie and she’s now his wife. Typical story of producer marries actress (especially A-list producer and C-list actress), but what’s funny is how aware they both are of it. In fact, she actually said that, while on a date she looked at him and thought, “Now this is the kind of guy you should be seeing,” meaning despite the date, he still wasn’t the guy, but I guess the power of funny did in fact win her over. Between him and David Spade that sad cliché is being given new life. But don’t think for one second, even now George Clooney couldn’t take any woman from them. They would just keep it on the down low so she could then creep back to the nice, funny guy the next day. “Where was I all weekend? Um, my sister had an emergency so I went to see her. Yeah. That’s why I didn’t answer my phone. Not because I was in Vegas fucking George Clooney blue. Nope. I was with my sister.”
MAY 21, 2007 WARMED ORGE
Shrek 3 opens huge at number one but the third time is seriously, seriously not the charm. But first things first: am I the only one to notice that when Fiona is in ogre form she looks like Oprah? Okay, fine. Whatever. Now, I was not a fan of the first Shrek. I thought it had moments, but without Eddie Murphy it was nothing. Then the second was saved by Antonio Banderas as well as a witty use of classic fairy tale characters and pop reference jokes. This one provides us no new characters (unless you count Justin Timberlake as King Arthur and I don’t) and very little wit. In fact, the first joke in the movie is the best. Prince Charming, reduced to dinner theater after the second movie, has the misfortune to have Shrek’s little posse of Pinocchio, The Three Little Pigs, Big Bad Wolf and the Gingerbread Man in the audience and the Gingerbread Man (who has the second best joke in the movie when you see his life flash before his eyes) comments, “This is worse than Love Letters.” That’s it. It gets no funnier than that and if you don’t know anything about theater even that is lost on you. And after the Gingerbread Man, the closest thing to the wit displayed in the second film is that Lancelot is the BMOC who picks on Arthur Pendragon and quite frankly, not playing with that more costs the film. Also lost is its sense of irreverency as they try to tackle some of “life lessons” that come in most every Disney film, but are handled there with enough subtly that you never get the sense of being preached to or that the film stops dead while they try to “learn you something.” Not so here. The subplots of Shrek becoming a father and Arthur learning confidence drop like anvils from the sky. And they totally blow a better way to teach something to young girls in the appearance of classic princesses who hang out with Fiona. Rapunzel, Snow White and Cinderella all show up and when trouble arrives, they assume their positions: Snow White sleeps, Rapunzel waits and Cinderella cleans, because they don’t know how to rescue themselves. There was a lot to be done here and they do very little with it, even when they do put the girls in action. The high point of that was Snow White (who rips off a sleeve to reveal a tattoo of Dopey on her arm) doing her sing to the animals bit, which segues in the her wailing out "Immigrant Song." But overall, it’s so lackluster all I cared about was who was covering Heart’s “Barracuda” which played during their action sequence (it’s Fergie doing a surprisingly good job).
MORE IMPORTANT BETTY LATER DATED NED LEEDS WHO…
Spider Man 3 is down to number three and after three movies I finally noticed Betty Brant, as did my boy, O.G. (Original Geek). Why? Because in the years since the first film, Elizabeth Banks, has actually become noticeable. Right now she’s carrying JD’s baby on Scrubs, but most people know her from The 40-Year Old Virgin, as the slut from the end of the movie, who was at the end of my favorite line, “Hope you have a big trunk, ‘cause I’m putting my bike in it.” Though she was cheated out of a major role, considering Betty Brant was actually Peter Parker’s first girlfriend, she can’t be complaining too much as she’s got a regular role in a billion-dollar franchise as well as a growing career. Contrast her rising fortune with that of the three stars, Tobey Maguire, Kirstin Dunst and James Franco. They’d better thank their lucky stars they’ve had this to fall back on them, because they’ve been doing a whole lotta nothing. Maguire has been the wisest, not wasting his bullet and only doing Seabuiscuit. Kirstin Dunst has failed to break box office records with Wimbledon, Marie Antoinette and Elizabethtown (we’re only counting starring roles so Mona Lisa Smile was Julia Roberts’s bomb not hers). But James Franco wins the prize of nobly trying make the most of it but failing constantly. Since the first Spider-man in 2002 he’s made, Flyboys, Tristan & Isolde, The Great Raid and Annapolis. The Germans dropped fewer bombs on London, considering he’s also done a lot of bad indie film work at the same time.
I ALWAYS BUY THE EXTRA ICING BECAUSE I’M A PIG
28 Weeks later is down to number three and while I’m still sure DVD will give this a sequel (though it maybe only appear on DVD) it’s not making a lot of noise at the box office in its second week and will be so crushed by the oncoming summer movies it’s not even funny. In a choice between seeing this or going to wait for two hours in the food court until the next showing of Pirates of the Caribbean, there’s gonna be a shortage of seats at Cinnabon (mmm, Cinnabon).
OR PLAY A PRETTY VAMPIRE WHO KNOWS KUNG FU
Disturbia is down to number four and with a $20M budget and $70M return, everyone’s gonna get paid on this one. Hell, the caterer may have a bonus in his stocking at the end of the year. See, this is why everyone keeps doing genre films. No one’s really going to see it for you, but if it succeeds, you’re golden, pony boy. Anyone remember what it did for Never Campbell? Or what happened to her career without it? Are you paying attention, James Franco (who ironically played her boyfriend in The Company)? You need to be the guy who lives in a horror movie. Make sure your name is on the last page for the sequels!
BAGDAD LINDSAY
Georgia Rule is down to number five and can someone please explain to me just how everyone knows Lindsay Lohan is drinking illegally in clubs, but none of these clubs are ever held responsible? I mean, aren’t you supposed to lose your liquor license if you’re caught? And isn’t she fucking photographed going in and out of these clubs every freaking night? But Jane Fonda has the ultimate perspective on being young and rebellious. The only way Lindsay Lohan could compete would be to show up in a picture next to Osama Bin Laden.
HE WAS IN A BRITNEY VIDEO BUT NEVER ALLOWED NEAR HER
Fracture sticks around at number six followed by Delta Farce at number seven and also in this is DJ Qualls who may be one of the most repulsive young actors working, right up there with Giovanni Ribisi. He looks like he walked out of Lord of the Rings. Like a really skinny orc. Dude, get the double cheeseburger and put some pounds on. And by what right does he get to call himself “DJ” anything? I had better stand for “Don Johnson” (mommy was a big Miami Vice fan) and not his skills on the wheels of steel.
REPRESENTIN’ QUEENS!
The Invisible is down to number eight, followed by Hot Fuzz at number nine and Waitress enters the top ten at number ten. This is written and directed by Adrienne Shelly (aka Adrienne Levine) one of the first “it” girls of indie film, followed by people like Parker Posey, Lili Taylor and Sarah Polley (but to show you how co-opted the whole indie film scene has become, the closest thing they have now is Rosario Dawson. Yeah, exactly). I’m not sure she even tried for a mainstream career as there a noticeable lack of even supporting roles in mainstream films on her filmography. This is why perhaps the most fame she ever achieved is her tragic murder at the hands of a construction worker she yelled at in a manner befitting her as a New Yorker, born and raised (Queens). It became an Law & Order episode almost immediately, but as a New Yorker she would have understood (not to mention as a New York based actor, she also appeared on that show also in a episode that was “ripped from the headlines”). And as much as I hate to admit it, this film has benefited from her tragedy, which is why it’s here in the top ten. It’s gotten pretty positive reviews but it makes me too sad to even think of seeing it. I’m sorry, but I’m a huge Hal Hartley fan and The Unbelievable Truth and Trust are two of my favorite movies and she was the star of both of them. She and Hartley had a falling out and Parker Posey assumed her place as his new muse, but they never achieved the same type of simpatico. I hope Waitress does well, but sadly I’m not able to contribute to it.
GRIM IS RIGHT
Speaking of Hal Hartley and Parker Posey and their work together, Fay Grim, the sequel to their film, Henry Fool, was released this week at the same time it was released on DVD and I’m not quite sure I understand the logic of that, because who is going to pay for a babysitter, gas and two movie tickets when you can just sit at home and watch it? Henry Fool is one of my least favorite Hal Hartley movies but strangely well-received by critics. It was the beginning of the end for me, because there’s nothing worse than when your brilliant comedic director decides he wants to explore drama. Given this is its sequel I can only expect more of the same and I don’t think I can give another two hours of my life to the exploration of the same characters---despite that poster of Parker Posey looking smoking hot in a pair of boots. I’ll probably see Waitress before I see this.
FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD
9th Avenue Food Fair. Does life get any better? The only downside is that it now ends at 39th Street so no more pasta from Mangenerro’s. Still on the upside, Spanky’s BBQ now had a booth and that shit was good (I hit it both days). So was Martha who makes amazing cheesecakes and no longer has her shop on the Upper East Side. She had a banana pudding that sold out instantly and is the best I’ve ever had outside of my mom and grandmother and that’s damn good, people. When I go to the food fair, I try to eat what I can’t get every day. I can get Empanada Mama every day. I cannot get Mitchell’s of London’s ham on buttermilk biscuits with honey mustard every day. But you know you’ve got a problem when you see something and you don’t know what it is, but want it anyway even when you ask the guy what it is and still don’t know because a) his accent is too thick or b) he simply declines to debase his dish with an English translation. Either way you’re out of money and can’t get it anyway (it’s Spanish and consists of cheese and pepper on a fried shell. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller). Next year. Missing this year was the Key Lime Pie guy and his truck and I still miss the people who made Deep Fried Oreos from years ago. And The Cheese Store is long gone… But I made do and I was so engrossed with eating Spanky’s ribs that when Young Married Couple pulled up in front of me on 50th and 10th, I didn’t know who the hell they were, because I cannot eat and think at the same time. Multi-tasking is not my thing (this is also why there can be no dirty talk during sex, I’ve got too much going on already so don’t ask me to describe it). I went back to walk the fair with them and their son, not eat this time, because I was practically rolling down the street already---though I did buy one of Martha’s desserts for later. I went back on Sunday for more Mitchell’s…and Spanky’s…and Martha’s, but sadly Martha didn’t make it a second day. Sigh. But if you think I’m not calling her to make me a banana pudding for myself, you’re crazy. Daddy’s got a job now people! He can do this! So I’m now one of those sad fat geeks in Superman shirts you see everywhere. Sigh. What makes it worse is that I bought a new scale (thank you 20% off Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon) because my old one conflicted with the gym scale. Sadly the new one confirms I am a one fat bastard and the people at the gym have understandably rigged theirs to make you think going there is actually helping you.
T’WAS BEAUTY KILLED THE BEAST…’CAUSE HE ATE HER LUNCH AND HAD A HEART ATTACK
Dorito Cheeseburger Woman was in Friday’s New York Times announcing her as the lead in an off-Broadway production of King Kong. She had a combination birthday party/opening party on Saturday night that she invited me to, but I had laundry to do. Okay. Fine. It wasn’t the laundry. It was that I was walking the 9th Avenue Food Fair all day and came home and lapsed into a food coma for the next few hours (and I’m not going out when I feel fat, so there). But I will make that King Kong show because I gotta see just how they’re doing it WITHOUT THE FREAKING MONKEY. Then again after the last movie, I’ve had enough of him to last me a lifetime. It’s $20 at the Red Room Theater, 85 East Fourth Street, May 24th – June 10th.
YET ANOTHER REASON I’M FAT
So I repaid my drinking and dining debt to Star Sister with a three-digit bar tab at a local sushi place. I overdid it on jalapeño based sushi products. I like more of a spicy bit in my food these days, but not that much. And never go to a sushi bar on a baseball night because the Japanese love them some baseball and it can get loud. Later we were joined by her boyfriend who is yet another guy who utterly trusts me out with his girlfriend (The Libertine’s boyfriend pretty much considers me her girlfriend and is happy to push shoe-shopping duty off on me). It’s flattering yet totally insulting at the same time. Because we’d been drinking for a few hours by the time he arrived he was subject to the indignity all men suffer at the hands of a drunk woman: the insistence he do that “cute thing” he does at home in a public place for others to see. In this case it was a DeNiro impression that wouldn’t have been half bad given he’s got some DeNiro features in his face, but it was muted by his utter resentment at being pressured into doing it. But there’s no stopping any of you women when you get that way. The irony being, these are the same women who, while sober, will bitch you out for embarrassing them in public, but give ‘em a few drinks and they can’t wait to tell the world about your cute Elmer Fudd or falsetto Barry Gibb impression and demand you sing a few bars of “Staying Alive” in front of all your friends.
AN ACTUAL SEX TAPE WOULD HAVE BEEN LESS EMBARASSING
I saw this pop up on Gawker but ignored it because if there’s something worse than “air guitar” is has to be the new fad of “air sex” but one of my geek girls demanded I watch it and I am forever grateful to her. Behold:
What? The? Fuck!?! If this is what kids are doing now, I think I’d rather have them committing crimes and taking drugs. While I’m sure they meant for this to be sexy, it’s not. At least not to women. This is probably the most downloaded piece of non-deliberate gay porn ever. Underage, shirtless boys bumping and grinding? Yeah, there’s only one audience for that. The only difference between gay men and straight men is hole preference. We’re all pigs. If this were a bunch of teenage girls, every man in America would be watching it. Every major brokerage firm on Wall Street would be issuing memos insisting that their employees stop wasting company bandwidth watching it---to no avail. Oh, and from now on, my name is “Pressure” and look for this to become www.pressure.com.
IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET, TOUGH!
Okay, that Grey’s Anatomy season finale was bullshit because the break between Derek and Meredith was incredibly forced, the Izzy/George thing continues to suck and I wanted a wedding, goddamnit (though I was glad there wasn’t one on Bones)! But that was a nice dress Christina was wearing and Sandra Oh just got herself an Emmy. Smallville climaxed with Bizarro showing up and once Heroes has its season finale, I can relax my DVR for the summer.
MAY 14, 2007
SPINS A WEB…WELL KINDA, SORTS DOES
Spider-Man 3 holds at number one and sometimes success is a film’s worst enemy because they become such a sure thing, everyone goes on autopilot. This can be seen in Spider-man 3 because Spidey is such a financial juggernaut they’ve pretty much stopped writing the movies and just decided to throw ideas in and let the action and effects carry them. That Mary Jane would have a crisis of confidence after flopping on Broadway is actually an interesting development, but it’s not explored. She just whines for two hours. That Peter Parker would be seduced by “the dark side” is also interesting, if we ever saw him actually enjoying the power or succeeding more because of it (dance number not withstanding). That Gwen Stacy would be a rival for Mary Jane the way she was in the comics (actually winning) is also interesting, especially since she obviously doesn’t have to die the way she did in the comics, but that doesn’t happen either. Just the suggestion of it occurs and then just as quickly the status quo snaps back. And if you’re here for Venom, remember he’s one of three bad guys and he gets the shortest shift. In my geek opinion it’s all he deserved. Yes, he’s one of the most popular villains in Spider-man’s history, but rivals Lex Luthor for one of the dumbest motivations in history (he hated Superman for accidentially causing his baldness. He becomes a super-powered murderer with a hatred for Peter Parker because he was embarrassed? Bear in mind The Sandman is a thief because he needs money for his sick daughter (and if you want to see that plotline resolved, look in a different movie because it doesn’t happen here either) and Harry Osborn has two movies of history to build upon. Venom is as two dimensional as his source material and Topher Grace was wise to go for the easy payday, but maybe should have tried to make him a little more than the same smart ass he’s played in pretty much every movie he’s made.
THERE’S ONLY SO MUCH YOU CAN DO WITH 28
28 Weeks Later opens at number two to uncharacteristically positive reviews for a sequel, pretty much guaranteeing the third one, which will get cute and be 28 Years and stupidly skipping the 28 Months, thereby making it even more science-fiction-any than it already is and be the death knell of the franchise, because from what I can see, what makes this work is how disturbingly close to the real world it is. I’ll never see it, but you knew that already. Effective scary and I stay a loooong ways away from one another. And note the return of Robert Carlye to his buddies who made Trainspotting. Something Ewan McGregor should seriously think about doing.
RULES OF SUBTRACTION
Georgia Rule opens at number three and what is it about Jane Fonda that attracts her to making movies with the latest piece of celebrity hot mess? She returns to the big screen with friggin’ JLo and now she’s Lindsay Lohan’s grandmother!?! This is how one of the most important actresses spends her golden years!?! Somewhere Judi Densch is snickering (in that very English matter that reeeeally cuts to the bone). And forget that, but why is she working with Gary Marshall, another sign of bad news!?! I know you morons loved Pretty Woman and Runaway Bride, but they both sucked, sucked, sucked! With the exception of The Flamingo Kid and Nothing In Common, almost all of his films have just been awful! And this seems to be no exception---unless you think he’s got the deft touch to pull of a comedic drama where one of the central issues is a girl being raped at 12 by her stepfather. Yeah, making a movie where Lindsay Lohan is a partying slut and then introducing sexual abuse is like making a comedy about McDonald’s and then showing you how cows are slaughtered to make them. It’s that horrible truth that everyone knows but no one wants to admit, because show me a hard-partying slut and I’ll show you some kind trouble at home. Or Catholicism. And Fonda’s name in the movie is Georgia; they aren’t in Georgia. Yes, I know it’s confusing, but try to keep up. This is another sign of Lindsay Lohan’s continual decline. Yes, she’s still on the front page of every tabloid, but people aren’t paying to see what they can get for free and even more explicit, as I sincerely doubt she shows her vagina or snorts coke in this. I’m trying to remember who was the last hard-partying bad girl, but I can’t and that sadly speaks volumes about the path she’s taking. Yeah, Shannon Doherty comes to mind, but she never had a big screen career and while I hate to admit it, she never had Lindsay Lohan’s talent either, which makes this decline and fall even sadder. But no less fun to watch. One day that threesome shot of Paris, Britney and Lindsay in a car together is going start off a somber E! True Hollywood story, because it doesn’t look like any of them are going to make it. Bring on the new girls! That youngest daughter from 7th Heaven should be getting arrested in a car with R. Kelly any day now.
EVERYBODY CAN’T BE SHILOH JOLIE-PITT
Disturbia is down to number four and yes, that is Trinity herself, Carrie Anne Moss, playing the mom in this movie and I love how everyone just flat out states that Shia Lebeouf must be Karen Allen’s son by Indiana Jones because, she’s, you know, THE JEW! And there’s just no way the other pretty, blonde women could crank out this uggo (though I prefer Karen Allen to both of them). Well, he obviously didn’t take after his mom in this movie. He drew the same unlucky genetic straw as Billy Joel’s daughter.
WE GOIN’ TO THE PITCHER SHOW!
Delta Farce opens at number three and there’s a whole big scary country outside of New York and LA and Chicago and San Francisco and…well, I call it home. This is the latest from Larry The Cable Guy and obviously he’s got enough of a fan base for Hollywood to keep making these movies and you should all be afraid, be very afraid. Then again, it’s nice that every little niche is getting its on films these days. Gives them less reason to bitch about actual good movies that don’t act like we’re still in the 1950’s. Don’t like the sex and the violence in our movies? Then stick to your Jesus-worshipping, cousin-fucking own movies like this one---which oddly apparently has a pro-immigration message. Man, there are going to be some pissed off trailer dwellers when they realize Larry The Cable Guys has not come to bury Mexicans but to praise them. Sorry, Cletus.
THEN AGAIN, WHAT ISN’T BETTER THAN GHOST?
Fracture is down to number six, followed by The Invisible at number seven and having actually having read the plot of this on themoviespoiler.com is seems like it could have been an interesting little movie. But if you want your film to be dark and interesting and to play with gray areas, don’t let the guy who directed Blade Trinity (and executive produce Ghost Rider) touch it. Yeah, David Goyer did a decent job writing the first two Blade movies and even Batman Begins, but they had real directors. The interesting twist? He’s not reaching out to his girlfriend like Patrick Swayze was. He’s reaching out to the girl who was primarily responsible for almost killing him, because her guilt is what allows him to reach her. That alone is more interesting than every single aspect of Ghost. I may actually look at it when it’s on cable in a year.
HE’S NOT QUITE A K-FED, BUT NOT FAR FROM IT EITHER
Hot Fuzz is down to number eight, followed by Next at number nine and what is Julianne Moore doing here? Oh, yeah, whoring herself to pay for being in her husband’s crappy indie movies (Trust the Man or World Traveler anyone?). Someone’s got to keep the heat on. While I enjoyed it, I won’t say it’s good and is almost like a counterbalance for being in a good science fiction movie, The Children of Men. But this is her career. To be in things like Children of Men, The Hours and Far From Heaven, she does things like Next, The Forgotten, Evolution and Hannibal.
THIS IS HOW WE DO
Finally, Meet The Robinsons closes out the top ten at number ten without ever breaking $100M and look for Pixar’s next, Ratatouille to embarrass the hell out of this in a week.
I LOVE TV
The Ex didn’t even break the top ten which means that Zach Braff will most likely join Charlie Sheen in the unlikely role as one of the highest paid men on TV for a seventh, useless season of Scrubs. Seriously, that they’re ignoring so much of what they’ve done in order to push JD and Elliot back together is a sign this show needs to die. Hell, it needed to die last year. Like Buffy, five was the magic number. Six was a painful stretch and seven was running on nothing but fumes and goodwill from its fanbase. And don’t get me started on Smallville. If Superman Returns had actually made money, they would have ended this show. It shows you that you’re better off losing your favorite shows too soon and in their prime rather than have them dragged out to fill the corporate coffers. Thankfully, Battlestar Galactica has announced it will end with its fourth season, which means they get to go out on top.
EATING CHEESE AND SHOPPING FOR SHOES. WHO NEEDS SEX?
So, now that I have a paycheck, I was able to once again dine with friends. Though some chicken the previous day threatened to lay me low, I recovered enough to meet with Former Miss Pretty Boy and Star Trek Woman (she stopped taking kung-fu, so she loses her Iron Blossom title) for a wine tasting. Well, I was supposed to anyway. I was there for almost half an hour before Star Trek Woman showed up. Thankfully, in addition to the wine, they had out no less than five different cheeses. So yes, I turned the wine tasting into a cheese tasting and I won’t apologize for it. Former Miss Pretty Boy never made it, so we went to a Japanese restaurant on Park and 18th to take advantage of the last ten minutes of happy hour. After that we joined Former Miss Pretty Boy and a few others for dinner at an Italian place right next to the wine tasting. By now I wasn’t hungry, but they peer pressured me into eating and drinking more. Seriously! I made the mistake of getting the lobster spaghetti, which sounds good only THEY DON’T TAKE THE FUCKING LOBSTER OUT OF THE SHELL! Excuse me, but what the fuck am I paying for!?! A dining experience ruined by effort needed on my part. And it’s a good thing I’m working again, otherwise I would be a little more irritated over people who order more expensive dishes but don’t offer to cough up more at check time. It’s like someone not reaching for the check when you invited them out. Obviously, you intend to pay, but they should at least make the offer. This is the silly shit our civilization rests upon. Without, we might as well be...Europeans. Thankfully I was distracted by what looked to be Michelle Monaghan having dinner with friends in the back. In case you don’t remember, she was the “the girl” in Mission Impossible 3. People insisted she looked like Katie Holmes, but what she really looks like is Lara Flynn Boyle back in her healthy body weighted, pre-Jack Nicholson prime. In fact, I actually thought it was Lara Flynn Boyle for a moment, but she was too young and healthy and unmarred by collagen for that (it’s not my fault these freaking pale, freckled Irish girls tend to look alike). The previous week I joined Nice Jewish Doctor for brunch and saw Elias Koteas on the street, so the formula is clear: have meals with friends, see B-List actors. Though when I had brunch The Libertine, it didn’t happen. But I attribute that to us meeting to shop moreso than eat. Brunch was tacked on. We were supposed to be looking for new glasses for me, as when I buy them on my own, my friends say nothing, but when I replace them it’s suddenly, “Oh, good. Those old ones looked awful on you.” I was going to avoid it this time by getting advice. But given who I am and who The Libertine is, we wound up spending most of our time shoe shopping. We ran into a serious sale at DSW where she found a pair of $80 shoes going at less than half-price and because I signed up to their buying club (The Libertine graciously volunteered to the clerk that I buy more shoes than she does, WHICH IS A LIE, ‘cause she’s gotten two new pair and I’ve gotten none) it’ll kick back down the line to me. Too bad they had nothing I wanted. Well, they did, but I was looking for work shoes. We actually found a pair at Kenneth Cole (also known as “The Holy Land”) but I want to double-check their SoHo store before I buy because they tend to have a better selection. From there we made a failed expedition to Lenscrafters and then a semi-successful trip to H&M, where I found Hulk boxer briefs. Yes, boxer briefs with original Jack Kirby Hulk comics printed on them. We did an extra search to find a pair that had the most suggestive panel directly on my penis. She wanted Bruce Banner screaming, but I decided on the large Hulk fist punching. From there it was a successful trip to finding a belt at TJ Maxx because I needed a new one for my Captain America belt buckle, to a failed attempt to buying a tower fan at Bed, Bath & Beyond, to a successful fan purchase at Home Depot. I was trying to save money with a coupon at BB&B but wound up spending more for a better version at Home Depot because it was bigger and had a remote control (but still cheaper than the upscale versions at BB&B). Oh, and we went by a wine store where I purchased what is essentially wine in juice boxes. Let’s see, Hulk underwear, Captain America belt buckle, a fan with a remote control and wine in a juice box. If that doesn’t sadly sum up my sad, middle-aged adolescence I don’t know what does. I didn’t get the shoes for work I need, but I’ve got comic book underwear, a remote controlled fan and wine in a juice box. Needless to say, I’ll probably be enjoying them all at the same time on a hot day. Try to get that image out of your head. Heh-heh-heh.
IT’S A GEEK MOVIE, SO YOU KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG
Spider-Man 3 opens to no surprise at number one and I have never been a fan of the films. I don’t own the first two and don’t even bother to watch them when they’re on TV. In fact, I avoid them. While they got Peter Parker right (which is half the battle in any superhero movie), the rest only served to annoy, from the organic web-shooters, to Mary Jane not being even close the fashion model she is in the comics (if Kirstin Dunst had to model to make a living, she’d starve to death). But most of all the silly comic book tone the movie would adopt at times. Yes, I know it’s a comic book, but so was The X-Men, but it didn’t have a comic book tone. It was a movie about the fantastic, but grounded in reality. People spoke as people speak. There was no, “Vile miscreant! You shall perish beneath my power!” Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2 had far too much of that type of dialogue. Yes, I know it’s part homage to the comic, but then you’d have actual good dialogue and the inconsistency annoyed me to no end. Well, that silliness that you people tolerated or missed in the first two has come back to bite you in the ass. Why else would there be a DANCE NUMBER BY PETER PARKER IN THIS ONE!?! No, I’m not kidding. If there’s any indication of the divide in the generations of Spider-Man fans, it’s the black costume and the character of Venom. The black costume is actually a living thing, an alien that Peter Parker got while on another planet (here in the movies, it comes from a meteor that just happens to land near Peter Parker). At first he loves it, but then it becomes a problem and he almost dies getting it off his body. The alien then hates him and attaches himself to someone else who hates Peter Parker, a rival photographer named Eddie Brock (played here by Topher Grace, proving his “Eric” inflections from That 70’s Show are with him wherever he goes). In this movie the costume feeds off of and encourages his dark side, his anger his rage. Sadly, this is indicated with the heavy hand of black clothing and an emo-boy hairstyle (if you don’t know what that means, then you’re sadly as old and out-of-touch as I am). During this time there’s an extended sequence where Peter Parker goes around like some Vegas type sleazebag, using out of date slang (showing you how old director Rami is) and struts down the street in a Saturday Night Fever parody. Then we get THE DANCE NUMBER! Sorry, but if you’re trying to convey your character’s darkness, movie parodies and dance sequences are not the way. And there’s a bit too much going on. Aside from the Venom, which requires not one, but two sub-plots to set up, you have The Sandman, who also has to be set up in order not to be a 2-D bad guy, Harry Osborn taking over as The Green Goblin and resuming his father’s vendetta against Spider-Man; trouble with Mary Jane (which requires them showing us Kirstin Dunst can’t sing either) and the introduction of Gwen Stacy (ironically played by redheaded Blythe Howard, who went blonde the way Kirstin Dunst dyed her blonde hair red) and her father, Captain Stacy. It’s Gwen who was actually the girlfriend the original Green Goblin kidnapped and threw off the Brooklyn Bridge (she died as a result) and Captain Stacy was killed by Doctor Octopus, which resulted in Spider-man being accused of his murder and chased by the police for over a decade in the comics. I don’t know what they’re going to do with them now and here they just add to the clutter. Of course the irony is, for all its flaws, I kinda like this better than the first two.
AND THE CASTING CALL GOES OUT FOR “UNCONVENTIONAL LOOKING”
Disturbia is finally down to number two and I guess in some strange way, Tobey Maguire kinda made this little douchebag acceptable as a leading man, much less the son of Indiana Jones, but I think Lucas and Spielberg just wanted someone onscreen who represented them the way ugly bald Tim Burton cast ugly, bald Michael Keaton as Batman and ugly bald Nicholas Cage as Superman in that aborted project.
BUT WILL SHE TURN YOU OVER TO HOMELAND SECURITY?
Fracture actually rises to number three, probably because it was the only movie that had an older actor involved and something resembling an adult plot. What else were two divorced parents supposed to see on their first date? And there’s a legacy in this, as Zoe Kazan, granddaughter of Eliza Kazan, one the most talented asshole directors ever in Hollywood, appears. In case you’ve forgotten, Eliza Kazan rolled over and served up his friends during the Hollywood witch hunts of the 50’s. Her dad is Nicholas Kazan, a screenwriter whose works include Reversal of Fortune and the Jennifer Lopez movie Enough and her mom is screenwriter Robin Swicord who did Little Women, Practical Magic and is also directing the upcoming Jane Austen Book Club. Obviously, it’s the family business.
BECAUSE MORE MEN DRINK FRESH, NEW BEER THAN AGED FINE WINE
The Invisible is down to number four, followed by Next at number five and you know Jessica Biel’s star is ascending as she now begins to prop up leading men no less than a decade her senior. Here she’s (25) with Nicholas Cage (43) because god forbid Julianne Moore be love interest (probably because—gasp---she’s a whopping three years older! Before, she was with Ed Norton (38) in The Illusionist and next she’ll be with Adam Sandler (41) in his “hey-let’s-make-fun-gays-while-pretending-to-support-them” movie. But they’re smart about that trailer. You want to sell a movie? Show Jessica Biel in her underwear and her rocking fat-free body.
I’D WAGER THIS BLOWS
Lucky You opens at number six and I was initially interested in seeing this, because it came from director Curtis Hanson (not to mention my beloved Debra Messing), who when he’s on, there are few better (Wonder Boys, LA Confidential, 8 Mile). But when he’s off (In Her Shoes) you’re reminded this is guy who directed The Hand That Rocks The Cradle and Bad Influence. This looks to be one of the latter, as it’s been pushed back forever and the trailer has been changed from being a movie about a slightly seedy, self-destructive gambler and his issues with his father to some sort of love story with Drew Barrymore. I’d be willing to see a Curtis Hanson movie about a gambler, but a Drew Barrymore all-grown-up love drama? No thanks.
MAGNUM PI 2037
Meet The Robinsons holds sadly at number seven, still not breaking the $100M mark after six weeks and since no one’s seeing it, I’ll reveal the Tom Selleck joke. When the kid is taken into the future by the boy who turns out to be his son, he asks about future boy’s family. Not wanting to reveal the truth, future boy tells him that his father looks like Tom Selleck and onscreen we are shown a picture of Tom Selleck. And as a payoff for that joke, when the boy meets his grown-up self at the end of the movie, he’s voiced by none other than Tom Selleck. This is the wittiest thing in the movie.
THE END
Finally, Blades of Glory is down to number eight, followed by Hot Fuzz at number nine and Are We Done yet holds at number ten.
MAYBE IF MY THERAPIST HAD BEEN MEANER I’D HAVE GOTTEN BETTER SOONER…OR AT ALL
I didn’t go to the Tribeca Film Festival for the first time since its inception because there was nothing there I really wanted to see. No work by fave directors or new directors with something new or interesting. What did catch my attention already has a release in the next few months, so what’s the point? Ironically, something I did see and love last year was just released this week. The Treatment stars Chris Eigeman, who has been an indie mainstay and one of my favorite actors since I first saw him in Metropolitan 15 years ago. He plays a teacher in therapy with an almost vicious therapist played by Ian Holm, who utterly berates him about how he lives his life. When Eigeman meets Famke Janssen, a widow with a child at the school where he teaches, he starts imagining Ian Holm appearing constantly in his private life to continually give him more insulting advice. The irony is, it begins working, but then he has to begin fighting to discontinue therapy, which Ian Holm will not allow. It’s a good romantic comedy, character driven and smart, not the providence of you fuckers with your head up Meg Ryan’s or Julia Roberts’s ass for the last twenty years. It was ultimately named Best Made In NY Narrative Feature at the festival.
I’VE SEEN SHIT YOU’VE NEVER DREAMT OF
One weird thing about cable is, you’d think with all the good movies made in history they could conceivably never have to run a bad one. Seriously, why should Spies Like Us ever be seen again? But they do. Then again, we all enjoy our guilty pleasures and given I’m saving up to see Xanadu when it hits Broadway in the next few weeks (SHUT THE HELL UP!), I really can’t say much. And I really can’t say much when I lose sleep because I stay up watching something like It Takes Two. I’m sure no one but the actors and me remember it, but it was about a guy who goes to buy a Lamborghini knock-off a few days before his wedding, only to get ripped off and stuck in Dallas while his fiancée slowly becomes a bridezilla. It’s by no means a great work of art, but actually a decent little romantic comedy and the director also did My Chauffeur, so he had a knack for elevating what should have been low-budget crap. Anthony Geary of General Hospital fame appears in it as an eccentric mechanic and much to my surprise the hot, spikey-haired blonde saleswoman who helps him fight the crooked car dealer wound up as Keifer Sutherland’s doomed wife from the first season of “24.” And the geek connection is, the actor who played the lead (George Newbern) wound up replacing Tim Daly as the voice of Superman on the animated Justice League series. But you real geeks know him as the voice of Sephiroth in Final Fantasy.
ADDISON’S ANATOMY? L.A. MEDICAL? PRETTY BOYS WHO HEAL YOU?
Back in the before time of TV it was very common to use an entire episode of a hit show to set up a spin-off. Everyone remember that Brady Bunch episode with Ken Berry adopting the three boys of various ethnic backgrounds? Yeah, like that. Well, those times are back as Grey’s Anatomy had a needless two hour episode to set up Addison in her new show in LA, where none of the women are even close to being as attractive and Taye Diggs and Tim Daly. Three women on the show and they are all left in the dust of facial symmetry (someone at ABC likes the pretty boys, because this is Daly’s third show there and Diggs’s second). The show tries waaaay too hard to be quick-witted and cute in the Gray’s Anatomy fashion and the set-ups are shoved down out throats with a ruthless efficiency. But you have to give pilot episodes a break. They’re trying to sell an idea as quickly as possible. Think back to what the first Seinfeld episodes were like before it became the show it was (there were even pseudo-dramatic moments like fucking Norman Lear). Not that I wasn’t going to give this a shot no matter what. It’s got Taye Diggs. I look forward to the first episode of its season guest starring cast members from Gray’s as well as the crossover sweeps episodes. As far as Gray’s goes, I’m not liking this George and Izzy thing because it came out of nowhere. It would make more sense if she just latched onto him as part of her grief over Denny. For him to suddenly be in love with her too just makes no sense and is based on nothing we’ve seen over the last three years. And I can’t believe they killed off Meredith’s stepmother. Damn. That was harsh.
AND UGLY. ALWAYS UGLY.
Heroes is the greatest show ever. That episode you saw last week was pretty much an adaptation of one of the most famous X-Men storylines, “Days of Future Past”, wherein an older Kitty Pryde comes back in time to stop an event that leads to a disastrous future. Sound familiar? Hiro actually mentioned this X-men comic when it happened (though he got the issue number wrong---see what happens to your geek skills when you kiss girls?). We get to see this future, which has a registration act that leads to the attempted genocide of all mutants---essentially what you saw on Heroes. Even that final assault on the government building happened. Peter was essentially playing the Wolverine part. Though the idea of a letting a bomb go off to unite humanity is stolen from The Watchmen series. These people really know their comics. Bet you they’re all fat and bald.